The 1 Thing It’s Okay to Judge a Person By

2 min readJan 30, 2021

According to me, of course.

Photo by Jude Beck on Unsplash

Old folks like to say that we have to give and take when it comes to close relationships because nobody’s perfect. That we have to “take the good with the bad”, especially because relationships are not all about ourselves.

But these old folks are missing one point. Relationships ARE about us. It’s about how we feel and how the other person feels deep inside. It’s about if we feel safe and accepted by the person; if we can have our basic emotional needs met. Vice versa.

Thus, it’s wrong when some (typically old folks) say we must accept people completely and settle for having them in our relationships. Because if people don’t care about how we feel and don’t want to share how they honestly feel, if they don’t bother making us feel loved, safe, and accepted, if they aren’t able to take responsibility for how they feel and how they too impact us, if they aren’t kind enough nor do they respect us enough to work through conflicts amicably, all in all uninterested in meeting our emotional needs— we should be validated when we start to realize we’re not crazy for wanting more. After all, it’s not “more” we want, it’s their emotional presence and care.

Similarly, if someone is communicating to you about things that pertain to you not being a good enough friend/partner/sister/whatever emotionally (not financially, looks-wise, etc), they deserve to tell you that (not in front of a crowd of course). After all, unhealthy relationships have the risk of turning into abusive ones (Katie Hood’s One Love Foundation advocates for and teaches people how to practice healthy love).

Therefore, why in the world shouldn’t people be judged by their ability to love? Remember, everybody wants to be loved but not everybody knows how to love.




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