23 Thoughtful Dating Affirmations to Enhance a Rather Arduous Process

…and thereby make the process of dating less stressful and more enjoyable.

Photo by Nathan McBride on Unsplash

At the age I’m at right now, people around me— friends, family, peers, clients— happen to be dating or at the very least rather keen about the experience of going out with another person whom they see as a potential partner.

As someone who is almost done with a Master’s in Counseling, I couldn’t help but wonder what they’re saying to themselves in their heads as they go about this rather testing process that involves opening themselves up to another person, being in the presence of that other person who they see through rosy lenses & makes their heart beat extra fast (unnerving if you ask me), and possible rejection and heartbreak…Love is not for the faint of heart (Terrence Real quoted this in his groundbreaking book, How Can I Get Through to You) and love will continue to demand from us charity, imagination, kindness, forgiveness, loyalty, generosity, and patience for the rest of our lives (The School of Life).

Indeed, and especially for people with a more unstable self-esteem— meeting new people with romantic intentions hovering above their heads can feel intimidating— and if they happen to have an anxious attachment style, this might only make them navigate their early encounters with a sense of doom that could result in outcomes that confirm their initial assumptions about themselves, the person they’re trying to get to know, and what’s possible between them.

But the pains in love—be it during, after, or at the beginning— aren’t a reason to stay discouraged forever. After all, nobody’s perfect (no date conversation could therefore ever be labelled ‘perfect’ or even ‘good’ because it consists of two imperfect people coming together) and after all, it’s exactly the same kind of newness and uncertainty that makes the dating process both anxiety-inducing and exciting at the same time.

When you sense yourself getting a little too anxious for your liking though, here are 23 affirmations that can help ground you back with some perspective as you smile, talk, walk, or eat with them (or text them, because, yes, online dating sites). Pick and choose which ones speak to you; there must be a reason they do.

1. Like them, I’m a cool person because I try everyday.
2. Like them, I have a lot to offer, even if some people may not agree.
3. Like them, I’m worthy of respect and good treatment by others. I respect them, they respect me, vice versa.
4. I myself am already complete and enough. My value isn’t based on how others see me. I am _____ enough.
5. I feel very curious about this other person and want to find out about them.
6. If I feel nervous, that’s okay. It means I look forward to enjoying it and making the best of it and that this is something that matters to me. It doesn’t mean something bad is going to happen. I will do what’s best based on my understanding of myself and will focus on feeling excited.
7. This is one of the things I’m doing to put myself outside my comfort zone, for the purpose of my own self-discovery and growth.
8. I feel grateful for this fun opportunity. I am grateful that I, a human being, am free to go out with whomever I please. I will open my heart to love in all its forms. I have faith. I will try to be fully present and keep an open mind out of respect for this person, who is a human being.
9. I don’t need everyone to like me. We’re not everybody’s type. In fact, it’s a blessing if someone who’s not suitable for me isn’t into me. So it’s okay if they end up not choosing me. I might not choose them either. See?
10. There are plenty of fish in the sea and each fish is uniquely different: thus, I can always meet new people, I don’t have to give up after each date.
11. We just all want to be loved but what’s more important is loving someone— and I’d want to love someone who has the ability to love me back too, so it’s worth waiting to choose the right person. The right person will see me for what I am and still accept me, on the whole. Those who don’t acknowledge and hold space for me as a person probably don’t deserve my time and attention anyway.
12. Everything I need to be in order to be loved is already inside me, even though viscerally it might feel like I need to be more of something or like someone for this person. This is just a symptom of my past of having been shamed. I don’t need to change myself to be accepted; I have to open myself to being more accepting to others to be accepted.
13. I’m not alone in my struggles and in having flaws. Everybody will prove to be problematic in some way. Yet we’re all deserving of affection, warmth, and respect from each other. We could all use each other at some point, in some ways.
14. If I think of myself as repulsive, my date would be considered equally as repulsive. No one is inherently special, so no one is inherently inadequate or bad.
15. At some point, I have the right to receive clear answers from them about how they feel about being with me.
16. Worse comes to worse, we can be friends! (There are advantages of being ‘just good friends’)
17. I don’t need a romantic relationship to prove something I am not or something I want to be (that I’m good/ that I’m not ugly/ that I’m worthy as a human being/ that I matter).
18. In the end, I may decide that I prefer focusing on having warm and authentic interactions with multiple people, instead of starting and being in romantic relationships, and that’s okay too.
19. “Romantic love is only one type of love. I am full of all kinds of love from friends, family, coworkers, and all sorts of connections.” (Elite Daily).
20. I might find myself drawn to certain kinds of people who most likely aren’t good for me due to how familiar they come off. I will keep my eyes wide open and will remain conscious of their ways and how they impact my internal world— even when I sense myself liking them a lot — and I will remind myself that I always have a choice.
21. I feel ready for whatever that is to happen. Friendship, acquaintanceship, adventure, partnership, companionship, love…
22. The person who deserves me is the person who thinks they don’t really deserve me. (inspired by multiple sources)
23. I’m allowed to move away to date other people more suited to me because everyone has their own expectations and standards.

What other affirmations would you add to this list?

May these affirmations help you attract the right kind of connection and create a less anxiety-ridden and disappointing dating journey.